'Crushed' like 'candy' on trains

Struggling to catch my breath as I reach the station
“Good morning, MetroPlus, please,” I ask the lady behind the window playing candy crush on her phone.
If there was an emoticon for a question mark it would have been her facial expression.
“First class or third class?” she respond.
I told tell her this but think to myself “Not today Satan, not today.”
“What time is the train; are there any delays?” I ask before I walk. With an attitude I’m told: “Bhuti, it’s coming; just wait.”
With hundreds of other commuters I stand and wait in the cold, because there is not even a place to sit.
I hear the auntie next to me tell her friend she’s been standing here for almost 40 minutes, and there has not even been an attempt of an announcement. I doubt if I had to go ask her if Candy Crush would know anything.
Lot’s wife changed into a salt pilar from looking back. I will turn into an ice block from just standing here in the cold.
After waiting 20 minutes a train arrives.
“Hold on to your bag,” I hear someone say and then I see her diving into a scrum, just as a group scrum to get out.
From being civilized boarding the train, I end up standing. It is clear though that the train has an open-door-policy. It feels like sitting on the back of an open bakkie, driving at a high speed through the streets. This might be fun when you young, but where I’m standing it is dangerous – and cold!
I try to look around me and everyone is in their own world.

A group of school children sitting in the corner, and a group of ladies standing next to them and talking about something at work. I cannot exactly make out what is being said because everyone is talking at the same time. I’m also not sure if they talking with each other, or each in their own corner.
On my other side is a group of woman laughing about something that happened at a party. A girl who is just starring at people and not even blinking starts to smile. I’m not sure if she’s smiling at me or the joke the ladies shared. Perhaps she’s smiling because she’s feeling good.
I got such a big shock, I think I now belong to a new blood group, when a train preacher suddenly made his appearance.
With churches being so empty, it probably makes sense that a preacher would be on the overcrowded trains.
I’m not yet sure how shocked I should be when I notice there is even a collection.
Our train suddenly decides to go stand between stations and the preacher says: “It is time, my dear friend – give you heart. God is even delaying Metrorail for you to give your heart to Jesus.”
I was about to say I doubt this is that kind of divine intervention, but it looks like no one is actually listening to the sermon.
The train is just outside the next station and a big group of people got up. After 40 minutes of standing I finally get a seat. Well okay it was a seat before the foam was cut out.
My thoughts are interupted by people storming in the train. As I lift my head I see a guy running into the train. Hell, if the door on the other side was open he would have ran out!
At Bellville alot of people are getting out but more in. Those getting in are wearing short sleeves and I’m wondering if I watched the wrong weather report.
For a second I thought we still standing, but we moving – just going nowhere slowly. I’m convince I could walk faster than what we moving.
As the train stop, more and more people are getting in and just less and less getting out. Some are hanging on outside the train; others are hanging with half the body on the inside and other half outside.
The girl next to me look at me and say: “they don’t know when the next one will be arriving, so you take the first train that makes an appearance.”
Suddenly the train comes to a standsttill. We standing between somewhere and nowhere, and no one knows why.

Jumping off is not really an option.
By now Metrorail have basically used every single excuse under the sun. Even the rainy weather and load shedding was used. I am still waiting on someone to take accountability for the crisis at Metrorail. That is probably also on a delayed train.
After standing for about 35 minutes the train is moving.
“Sweeties, sweeties, peanuts!” I hear the one guy. From the other-side there is also someone shouting. I have to sit up straight to make sure I heard right: “BioPlus, BioPlus, selfie stick.”
We outside Cape Town station and I wake up my train buddy.
Do you know that taking a train is a extremely traumatic experience – if you don’t get the shock of your life, you will be stressed about standing and get frustrated with Metrorail. Or you can stare at everything around you and laugh yourself crazy.
The one fun thing about a train trip is that there is no shortage to stories, #trainstories.

• Original article appeared in Paarl Post of Thursday 23 August 2018.