I am who I am, ME

Actors are activist who has a bigger role than acting.

Roberto Kyle says his career gives him a voice and a responsibility.

“People go to movies and see us on TV to relate and see their stories and themselves through us. We need to tell those stories.”

The actor from Paarl is openly gay and plays the role of a gay-character in kykNET&Kie’s telenovela, Arendsvlei.

According to Roberto it took him 25 years to love who he is.

“I fought. I still fight for my identity, for who I am and the space around me.

“I don’t have 25 years for others to accept and love who I am.”

Roberto was also in movies like Eye in the Sky and The Dark Tower, as well as the drama series Homeland.

Shortly before Arendsvlei Roberto was seen as Skalkie Fortuin in Knapsekêrels and before that as Aunty Merle’s son Carl Abrahams in the Marc Lottering musical.

Roberto gets serious when he says his sexuality does not determine which type of actor he is, or that he can or should only portray a gay-character.

“It is not why I went to drama school. If I have to play a tree, then I play a tree.”

SUPPORT

Roberto confess he always knew he was different, and how other people made him feel about himself.

“I was always the target of the one or other form of bullying. Especially by boys and simply because I was not like them. When I became a teenager, I started to understand the dynamics of masculinity and being a man. At 13-years it all started making sense… that I am gay.”

Even though he is a friendly, full of life person, there was some challenging times.

In his matric year he opened towards school friends about his sexuality.

“I was scared of who I am. When I told my school friends they started crying, because they have been waiting the whole time on me just to be happy for me. I then told my sister, and that same evening my mom. Both was, and they still are very supportive.”

Roberto now partially regrets the whole “coming out”.

“I believe no one should endure the trauma young boys and girls go through with the whole ‘coming out’ process. My sister never had to hide her love (for someone else) or explain her existence. Why should I?”

There is another thing that Roberto regrets. His dad passed away in 2013, to cancer and they never had the opportunity to talk about Roberto’s sexuality.

“I’m sure he knew. Before I “came out of the closet” my parents were busy getting a divorce and my dad moved out. I just didn’t want to still disturb him with this news. I know that he loved me, and he supported me.

“Still there is a part of me that feel I lack something that would make me a good son for him,” an emotional Roberto adds.

There is no shortage of love and support for Roberto from his mom – who raised him and his sister with faith, determination, acceptance and humility.

He is aware though many others are not that lucky.

“It breaks your heart if your loved-ones don’t accept and support you for who you are. Know that your identity and potential is not linked to any person, who rejects your presence. Just be who you are.

“My dad’s passing taught me we should love each other unconditionally, while we still with each other.”

AWARENESS

On the work front it seems Roberto and his character have a lot in common.

His character Lee-Roy is like Roberto also Ronel (played by Melanie du Bois) his mom’s everything. There is another thing. We got to know Lee-Roy when he was bullied on school. Roberto was bullied on primary and high school.

An honest Roberto says he was not only bullied by learners on school, but even teachers.

“Bullying takes on any form. It is not only to lift your hand. It is also people’s actions, words or even a simple look you give someone. On school I was bullied by teachers, about my sexuality and because I was different.

“I can recall two incidents where I was bullied. One being on high school when a teacher shouted, ‘stop being so gay’. I got up and walked out of the class. “Some classmates and myself went to the principal’s office, where I asked that the teacher be addressed for discriminating against me.”

Roberto’s mom was called in and it later came out, according to Roberto, that the teacher’s daughter is lesbian, and it appears as if the teacher took out her personal feelings and homophobia on Roberto.

“We need to point out homophobia, especially adults. We give permission if we pretend there is no injustice against other, or ourselves.”

Roberto reckons bullying on school is being address, but we all have a responsibility.

He is of the opinion victims should be given a bigger voice and more awareness.

Like he’s doing with his Arendsvlei-character.

Roberto says he almost immediately got the rol when he went for the Arendsvlei audition.

“I was wondering if it would be a challenge to play a schoolkid and what message I might be telling with that. When I read about the character and the big topic he’s taking on, I knew I wanted to play the role.”

Roberto says it was an adjustment to go from Skalkie, who walks with a firearm in Knapsekêrels, to Lee-Roy with schoolbooks.

“There are still people who recognize me as Skalkie, but I think many are getting used to Lee-Roy. I just don’t want Lee-Roy to become each to play.”

BE YOURSELF

What makes Lee-Roy so much fun is that he is quirky, friendly and likeable and he bring humor to every situation. From social media Roberto also successfully touch on the homosexuality topic and from the messages many of his supporters see him as a role-model.

“It is difficult to play a gay character on South African TV. I open myself to the public and all the risks that comes with that.”

Hy feels he has a responsibility to tell the truth. It is part of my goal to tell the story of my people.

“Whether it is sexuality, coloured, manly, Paarl or South African narrative.

“Irrespective if I play a straight, gay or asexual character. Lee-Roy is not who I am in life, it is the story I am telling now.”

Roberto is one of the youngest actors to play a gay-character on our TV-screens.

He is also one of a few, possibly the youngest, to openly talk about his own sexuality.

“I enjoy the reaction and messages from supporters and try to respond to everyone.

“Jinne but then I read some of the commentary and I think Rihanna don’t pay attention to rude and negative commentary, why should us plebs.”

The young man views all criticism as constructive, it helps him to be a better actor and person.

“I ask myself if I will be creative and live out my character if I’m only going to focus on negative comments.

“What concerns me is that I should not hurt people with my character.”

Roberto is aware it comes with the industry for him to be scrutinize and the backlash that can come from the public.

“It is a sad fact that a subject like homosexuality is still half taboo in our society. There is room to change that and it starts with something as simple as a conversation.”

Roberto did his thesis on the classification of the queer identity in the entertainment industry.

He says it often happens that gays bully each other.

“Gay culture is judging feminine men. The culture draws this from the heteronormativity rules of a relationship between a man and a woman, and the role of each in a relationship.

“It derives from the rooted homophobia, because gays have a view of what the perfect man should be and how he should act. If you don’t meet the standards of what a gay man should be, you judged.

“Where people are marginalized things are always sensitive, but actors can be a voice to address the topics.”

Roberto feels strongly if people irrespective race, class or sexuality are only seen as a person, who also have a story with successes and challenges, there is respect.

“People are scared to talk about homosexuality, because they don’t understand it. Aggression comes because people don’t want to talk about it and when someone comes out of the closet, especially if it is in your home, it is a problem.

“Some say you can only be gay from a distance, but when it is in your house it is a different case.”

A serious Roberto adds “people don’t always respect that you as a person have a right to express yourself, and how you feel.”

Our interview took place as the scenes of the Arendsvlei-matric camp was shot. Everyone loves Lee-Roy, and not because he is gay or being bullied, but because he is so sincere.

Ever since the barn-scenes there has been chemistry between Lee-Roy and Wesley (played by Craig Adriaanse) and viewers have been waiting and begging for a kiss between the two.

Will there be a kiss, will the two date?

“LOL” is Roberto’s reaction to the question.

“For three days a week Arendsvlei tells the stories of our people, by our people. No one came from abroad. Every day stories are being highlighted and things that are still taboo for some are now in our homes.”

Roberto hopes that viewers learn from Lee-Roy to take ownership of their life, to fight for what they believe in.

“I hope especially the gay, lesbian, transgender boy or girl learn from this that their sexuality doesn’t determine who they are and that they so much more.

“Be true to yourself and know no ones has a right to say who and what you are. You have ownership of your identity and no one can take that.”

The young actors mention he takes it with a pinch of salt how people and especially other gays judge him.

“I am not going to lay awake at night and don’t have time to wonder how others feel about my existence. It is important that I am who I am, me!”

Roberto gives his killer smile and says: “There is nothing as powerful as someone who can walk in a room and just be themselves, without having to defend their identity!”

• An edited version of this was published in Afrikaans in Kuier of 6 March 2019

All good deeds are not good

This is an open letter to the URCSA Wellington Presbytery

25^th February 2019

Chairperson & members

Brothers and Sisters

URCSA Wellington Presbytery

Greetings in the name of my Creator and Saviour.

In life I’ve learned not all good deeds are good and that some can cause more harm than good. Allow me to from the onset state I could not care two flies what you as Presbytery do or don’t do, as my God and I have a solid healthy relationship.

I’ve received numerous messages though, from LGBTQI young people within the Presbytery.

It firstly takes courage for any person to type a message to reach out. Secondly no cry for help should just be ignored. It is with the above background that I’m directing this communique to you.

In an open letter to the church in October 2016, myself and three fellow URCSA-members, wrote: “As members of URCA we are concerned at the churches prophetic voice towards LGBTQI congregants and community.”

We further asked: “The church in love and the spirit of the Belhar Confession not to let LGBTQI-members suffer any further.”

Prior to the above I wrote in an opinion piece: “Apart from the conservative view the church will always hold, you cannot help to ask yourself why it takes the church – who preach love – to show love. The answer is that the church must act church orderly, within ecumenical rules.”

As per my social media accounts I initially thought the panel discussion the Presbytery is planning for Thursday is something good. Having viewed the poster of the panel discussion I am deeply offended, insulted and ashamed.

I take offence in the use of the term “homoseksualisme”. In no formal or informal documentation of URCSA is this term used. It also has a negative connotation, that was used some years ago as part of hate-speech. The term itself and the use thereof creates the impression that the organisers and thus the Presbytery, and one can interpret the panel (unless a correction is made by them) have a preconceived opinion that homosexuality is wrong.

I’ve previously asked the numerous (waste of time) URCSA Commissions how many of the panel members are gay/lesbian or have immediate family who is?

If none, my interpretation is that your panel will share textbook experience.

Following the tragic events at 13:30 on Saturday 8^th October 2016 at the 7th General Synod of Uniting Reformed Church in Southern Africa, one of the members of the first URCSA Homosexuality Task Team, made the following remark: “URCSA has no testicular fortitude in leading the church on the LGBTQ-matter and therefore finds all kind of excuses for not pronouncing on it”.

Friends in Christ allow me with due respect to have the testicular fortitude to tell you that your approach is unconsidered; disrespectful; offensive; just plain wrong.

You are proving the stories of Angelo, Theo, Carlton, Ashwin, Astrid, Belinda, Lindsey, Victor and many others will thus never be told or heard.

If you ignore everything above, take this to heart: ill-advised actions have led to suicide. It is often not what is said but what not and how not. Many of you will never grasp the pressure and depression LGBTQI-persons sit with, just viewing your ill-advised poster. As Christian my plea is let's stop homophobia and not contribute to it. 

Be bold, be brave, be leaders.

You friend in Christ

Earl September

Church has no testicular fortitude to lead

On Saturday October 8^th 2016 at 13:30 the 7^th General Synod of Uniting Reformed Church in Southern Africa responded to what I asked days prior to their decision: Are we all equal before the cross.

During this specific session URCSA opted to abandon its very founding principles and ironically the theme of its sitting: The Belhar Confession. URCSA voted in favour of a Process Position, based on a recommendation by its Homosexuality Task Team. Thus keeping the status quo but instead of doing research the church will continue dialogue with all stakeholders.

The decision was made shortly after the church decided to resume unity talks with the Dutch Reformed Church and accepted a request recommendation for the Church in Pakistan to be the Uniting Reformed Church in Pakistan [the first for Asia].

Despite the church reaching out to the world but not amongst its own ranks, I am however of the opinion URCSA made a procedural error in its decision. And here’s why:

Friday 7^th October 2016: URCSA’s Homosexuality Task Team tabled their report with the Process Position of dialogue as recommendation. Synod had various deliberations on it and after numerous motions the meeting decided to refer all motions regarding the topic to the task team – at this point it became an extended task team. They had to consolidate all motions and table a recommendation the following morning.

Saturday 8^th October 2016: URCSA’s Extended Homosexuality Task Team tabled a recommendation to vote for one of four options:

- Process Position (initial recommended),

- Recommendations of 2008 (keep the status quo),

- Keep the status quo but ministers and their congregations chose their own position,

- To accept and ordain within celibacy

After voting on option one – with majority in favour of it – outcome was declared as the resolution of synod. This is exactly the mistake the church made.

Some refer to the options as four motions, and if that was the case synod had to vote on each motion.

Irrespective of motion or option, my reasoning for a procedural error is that prior to voting delegates were not informed they are only allowed to vote either for or against only one of the four options.

I firmly believe delegates were under the impression they would vote for or against each one of the options.

URCSA’s 7^th General Synod thus did not vote on the recommendation of Saturday, but voted on the recommendation tabled Friday 7^th October 2016 at 20:00. URCSA will possibly like its sister church, the DRC, have to refer the matter to its Commission for Judicial Matters with a similar outcomes than its sister church: a special synod only for this agenda item or to just ignore and continue as normal.

Whichever route it opts to take and what the final decision will be, URCSA’s real challenge remains the implementation of any decision it take. For 12 years the church has been struggling to do research and engage on the matter, with one delegate admitting at Synod the church failed to consult and engage the LGBTQ-community.

Maybe the church should use the next four years and first ask itself if it only preaches or does it still practice the Belhar Confession.

One of the members of the first URCSA Homosexuality Task Team, Prof. Rothney Tshaka, summarizes the topic best: “URCSA has no testicular fortitude in leading the church on the LGBTQ-matter and therefore finds all kind of excuses for not pronouncing on it”.

Putting everything in context, below are the resolutions from the 2005, 2008 and 2012 Synod Decisions/Resolutions:

GENERAL SYNOD 2005:
a) Synod confirms that the Bible is the living Word of God and the primary source and norm for the moral debate about homosexuality.
b) Synod acknowledges the diversity of positions regarding homosexuality and pleads that differences be dealt with in a spirit of love, patience, tolerance and respect.
c) Synod confirms that homosexual people are members of the church through faith in Jesus Christ.
d) Synod rejects homophobia and any form of discrimination against homosexual persons.
e) Synod appeals to URCSA members to reach out with love and empathy to our homosexual brothers and sisters and embrace them as members of the body of Christ in our midst.
f) Synod acknowledges the appropriate civil rights of homosexual persons.
g) Synod emphasizes the importance of getting clarity about the theological and moral status of homosexual marriages, or covenantal unions.
h) Synod emphasizes the importance of getting clarity about the ordination of practising homosexual persons in ministry.
i) Synod assigns the following tasks to the Moderamen:
Do an extensive study on Christian faith and homosexuality while taking into
consideration the above mentioned principles;
Table a report with recommendations to the General Synodical Commission during the coming recess;
And encourage and direct discussions on the theme of homosexuality in URCSA.

GENERAL SYNOD 2008:
1. GS takes note of the report on homosexuality as tabled before it;
2. GS appreciates the endeavours done by the task team.
3. GS further refers the report and its recommendations to the Regional Synods, Presbyteries and local congregations for discussion;
4. GS instructs the Executive to appoint another task team for another scientific study which will add other perspectives on homosexuality; and
5. GS re-affirms points a-f of decision 90 of Pietermaritzburg 2005 that reads
a) Synod confirms that the Bible is the living Word of God and the primary source and norm for the moral debate about homosexuality.
b) Synod acknowledges the diversity of positions regarding homosexuality and pleads that differences be dealt with in a spirit of love, patience; tolerance and respect.
c) Synod confirms that homosexual people are members of the church by nature of faith in Jesus Christ.
d) Synod rejects homophobia and any form of discrimination against homosexual persons.
e) Synod appeals to URCSA members to reach out with love and empathy to our homosexual brothers and sisters and embrace them as members of the body of Christ in our midst.
f) Synod acknowledges the appropriate civil rights of homosexual persons.
GENERAL SYNOD 2012:
1. The General Synod affirms the decision of the General Synod 2005 as the Interim Policy on homosexuality of URCSA.
2. The General Synod classifies the Report on Homosexuality which had been tabled at the General Synod 2008 as a "background resource" offering assistance to church councils, presbyteries and regional synods faced with the task of evaluating homosexuality in church and society.
3. The General Synod calls on all regional synods to actively attend to the Report on Homosexuality of 2008 and supply the General Synodical Commission during the recess with their responses.
4. The General Synod appoints and instructs the task team on homosexuality to move forward in the preparation of reader friendly study material on the biblical and theological appraisal of homosexuality and issue it to the regional synods during the recess after approval by the General Synodical Commission.
Minutes of the Sixth General Synod of URCSA 2012 Page 26
5. The General Synod affirms the URCSA's long tradition of social justice, founded on the fundamental human dignity of every individual, as well as its bearing on the controversial and emotional issues of gay rights. The General Synod URCSA, therefore, calls on all its members to exhibited concern over the protection of homosexuals from discriminatory practices.
6. The General Synod affirms that the denial of human and civil rights to homosexuals is inconsistent with the biblical witness and Reformed theology.
7. The General Synod denounces all forms of homophobic conduct.
8. The General Synod encourages church leaders to enter into constructive dialogue with LGBTI persons or groups representing them with the aim of better understanding them. General Synod requests the task team on homosexuality to organize opportunities for such dialogue.

“Ons voel soos Daniël in die leeukuil”

Die Verenigende Gereformeerde Kerk in Suider-Afrika (VGKSA) ontmoet hierdie week in Benoni, vir haar Sinodesitting. Op die tafel is die verslag oor homoseksualiteit.

As lidmate van die VGKSA, is ons bekommerd oor die kerk se profetiese stem aan Lesbiese, Gay, Biseksuele en Trans-gender (LGBT)  gemeentelede en gemeenskap. Die afgelope elf-jaar het die kerk drie Algemene Sinodesittings gehad waartydens dié kwessie bespreek was. Die besluit van 2005 oor homoseksualiteit, was hoofsaaklik aangebring deur Abe Pieterse wie deur die kerk legitimasie geweier is, omdat hy eerlik was oor sy seksuele oriëntasie. 

Die besluite van 2005 het gevra na ‘n teologiese studie oor homoseksualiteit. By die Sinode van 2008 was die verslag terug verwys na gemeentes. Vier jaar later, was daar geen  vordering nie, maar was op ‘n tweede studie besluit. Dit wys daarop, dat daar groot ongelukkigheid is oor die teologiese studie van 2008, wat deur prominente VGKSA teoloë saamgestel was.  Die uitgangspunt van hierdie verslag is dat die seksualiteit van gay persone aanvaar moet word. 

As lidmate van die VGKSA vra ons die kerk in liefde om in die gees van die Belydenis van Belhar LGBT lidmate nie verder te laat ly nie. Ons pleit vir eenheid! Herhaaldelik in debatte van homoseksualiteit word Bybelverse voorgehou om te diskrimineer. Die 2005 besluit, dat gelowiges hieroor in liefde moet praat en verdraagsaamheid aan LGBT moet bewys, is ‘n verfynde  institusionele vorm van diskriminasie. Die kerk se onwilligheid om die saak te bespreek op alle vlakke is gedompel in heteroseksisme gevoed deur homofobie, kultuur en die mite dat homoseksualiteit ‘n Westerse probleem is wat in Afrika posgevat het. 

Die Bybel is teen promiskuïteit en nie teen selfdegeslag-verhoudings nie. Sodom was verwoes, deur seksuele die stadsmanne se misdryf. Gasvryheid as goddelike en antieke deug was nie aan die gaste bewys nie.  Die Israeliete van ouds het hulself nie as heteroseksueel beskou nie.  Die Levitiese wette was ingestel om kultiese reinheid te handhaaf. Penetrasie deur ‘n man in ‘n ander man was gesien as vermenging van geslagsrolle, omdat binne die raamwerk van voortplanting en Adam as hoof van Eva, die mag van die man tot verval sal kom. In die Nuwe Testament is prostitusie en pedofilie onaanvaarbaar netsoos vandag. Ons lidmate van die VGKSA is daarvan oortuig dat die verstaan van die Drie-eenheid die voorbeeld is vir menslike verhoudinge en nie noodwendig die verhoudings van mag en manlikheid soos deur die antieke kulturele waardes vasgevang is in die Bybel nie. Seksualiteit vir ons ‘n gawe van God vir elke mens wie Hy kunstig geskep het.  

As lidmate van die VGKSA vra ons die kerk in liefde om in die gees van die Belydenis van Belhar LGBT lidmate nie verder te laat ly nie. Ons pleit vir versoening! Talle lidmate (en selfs predikante) lewe in vrees omdat die kerk geen duidelikheid het rondom menslike seksualiteit nie. Diegene wie hulself onderdruk, lewe nie net in vrees nie, maar het ‘n verwronge selfbeeld, menswaardigheid van broosheid en ‘n verwarde spiritualiteit wat nie binne die gemeente kan uitgeleef word nie. Die opgestane Here het versoening vir alle mense gebring, insluitend LGBT persone met hul seksualiteit.  Om versoen te wees met jou seksualiteit maak ook versoening met alle ander persone moontlik. Die Franse Filosoof Paul Ricouer in sy boek The Course of Recognition (2005), praat van wedersydse erkenning as geskenk en dankbaarheid. LGBT persone se seksualiteit wat as studie stuk en sonde beskou word kan alleenlik verstaan word as dit erken word en beskou word as gawe. 

Die doop en Nagmaal praktyke is volle bewys van inklusiewe mag van God. Die VGKSA handhaaf ‘n proses van onderskeiding om by studie wat vir teologiese studies aanmeld te hoor of hulle geroep is. Studente word gelegitimeer en ordineer omdat hulle die Kuratorium (kommissie van teologiese opvoeding) oortuig van hul geroepenheid. Dit druis teen die wil van God om nie LGBT persone toegang tot die bediening te gee. Ons glo, dat VGKSA die LGBT persone se verbintenisse as huwelik moet in seën.  Die Belydenis van Belhar leer ons “dat enige leer wat sodanige gedwonge skeiding vanuit die evangelie wil legitimeer en dit nie wil waag op die pad van gehoorsaamheid en versoening nie, maar uit vooroordeel,  vrees, selfsug en ongeloof die versoenende krag van die evangelie byvoorbaat verloën, ideologie en dwaalleer is.”   

As lidmate van die VGKSA vra ons die kerk in liefde om in die gees van die Belydenis van Belhar LGBT lidmate nie verder te laat ly nie. Ons pleit vir geregtigheid! Die wêreld, kontinent en ons land dink telkens na oor menslike seksualiteit. Ons is die Here dankbaar, vir ons konstitusionele demokrasie en grondwet wat LGBT regte beskerm. Die kontinent van Afrika waar so baie LGBT persone vermoor, verkrag en vermink word daagliks het weereens die profetiese stem van die Kerk van die Here Jesus Christus nodig. Presies dertig jaar gelede, was die Belydenis van Belhar aanvaar op die Sinode van destydse Sendingkerk. Gelowiges het opgestaan teen alle vorme van onreg, omdat hulle die mooiheid van geregtigheid in hulle  oë van geloof gesien het naamlik “dat die kerk daarom mense in enige vorm van lyding en nood moet bystaan, wat onder andere ook inhou dat die kerk sal getuig en stry teen enige vorm van ongeregtigheid sodat die reg aanrol soos watergolwe, en geregtigheid soos ’n standhoudende stroom;”

Ons bid saam die gebed van dominee Jan Metler, wat hy voor die aanvaarding van Belydenis van Belhar in 1986 gebid het: 

“Ons voel soos Daniël in die leeukuil, want eensklaps het die uur vir ons aangebreek. Vir hierdie geloofsdaad van die sendingkerk sal ons volle verantwoordelikheid moet aanvaar. Ons staan hier weerloos  en breekbaar  omdat ons besef dat ons so maklik in die navolging van die man van Nasaret kan seerkry. Ons wil met ons klein geloof op U wag om ons die pad te wys, wat ons moet gaan.” (Uit die Burger: 27 September 1986). 
  
Onderteken deur: 
Abe Pieterse
Hanzline R. Davids 
Earl September
Veonna Goliath

Are we all equal before the cross

Thou shall not judge. Not only a verse but also a saying, you have either heard or said. How ironic though that it is the church and religious leaders who preach God alone can judge, then do exactly what you and I are warned about.

Last week the Anglican Church rejected a proposal to bless couples in same-sex relationships.

The DRC/NGK last month decided to recall a synod decision that was put on hold after appeals were received. This comes after members of the church threatened with a court case, as the church acted outside of their own rules regarding the appeal. It has almost been a month now and still no implementation took place.

This week all eyes will be on the Uniting Reformed Church, who will again consider a report from a task team. The church had three task teams and been doing studies for 12 years. The church composed a comprehensive report, under the leadership of prof. Allan Boesak and this was accepted in 2005 as guideline. The very same Boesak in 2008 resigned from all positions in the church because of the discriminating attitude towards gays and lesbians, from the church that is meant to be a safe haven.

How ironic is it not that the decision by the church comes days after the controversial American pastor Steven Anderson was banned from entering our country and promote his hate speech. Anderson amongst other things said after the Orlando nightclub shooting “it is good, there are 49 lesser gays” and that “gays should all be killed”.

In the week of the Steven Anderson events the church and the voice of the men and women who are meant to spread the love of God, was silent.

Apart from the conservative view the church will always hold, you cannot help to ask yourself why it takes the church – who preach love – to show love. The answer is that the church must act church orderly, within ecumenical rules.

When it comes to the gay topic though, the church contradicts herself on many points.

That is the first mistake the church does, to discriminate by excluding lesbians, bisexuals and transgender-persons.

The church might have legitimate reasons why they dragging the issue. But in the church that preach everyone is equal in the eyes of God, terms like “they” and “us” are used.

How are we then all equal before the cross?

Long gone are the days that Bible verses were used when referring to “them” and those. Those who still make use of Bible verse have probably not recently read the bible.

It is this year [2016] a decade that South Africa became the fifth country in the world and first in the Southern hemisphere to recognise same-sex relationships. This in itself is a huge achievement for the LGBT-community when acting president Phumzile Mlambo-Ngcuka signed the Civil Union bill into law on 29 November 2006.

While we have the law, there is not a lot of support from the one safe haven in our country – the church.

Many will say sexual orientation is a choice. Unless I bumped my head as a baby I cannot imagine how any person would decide to be exposed to criticism, humiliation, ridicule and discrimination.

A few months ago a reverends was extremely critical towards gays on Facebook. I asked him if he ever made time to talk to a gay person and ask how that person feels and if he would decide to be humiliated every day. I then asked that he first look at home before he criticises others.
What I did not do is out his son.

Before more studies are done, like LGBT-members are some kind of experiment, our religious leaders should learn from this: time has come to drop your title and have a conversation with their brothers and sisters.

• Afrikaans version appeared in Paarl Post of Thursday 6 October 2016